Gee, That Baby’s Cute (and Other Lies)
What Do You Say About an Ugly Baby?
Ever have the following situation happen to you? You're somewhere minding your own business and the conversation turns to children. The happy couple is busy showing off their new child. It looks like a mix between Danny DiVito and a Shar-Pei (the wrinkly dog). They ask you about the kid, or worse yet, your wife turns to you and says, “isn’t it a pretty baby?”Of course, now you’re on the spot. Do you go with honesty? Or do you lie?
Honesty would dictate the following responses:
Man, I wouldn’t have the heart to scare crows with a picture of that kid’s face!
Here, kid. Have a banana.
Pretty? Isn’t pretty in the eye of the beholder?
Of all the kids out there, it’s one of them.
When does its head turn in circles?
Now there’s a face that could crash a thousand ships.
Too bad it’s not a boy. There’s a lot more chances out there for ugly guys than ugly girls.
Yea. Pretty. Of course, splotchy skin and squashed noses are like two of my favorite things.
Geez, did they have to use the foreceps right in the middle of his head? Is that gonna heal?
Will its knuckles always drag the ground?
Yea. Pretty. What’s his name? Curious George?
Ok. When is it gonna start talking in a weird voice, grab the knife, and start chasing us around?
You stare at the kid for a long time and then yell, “It’s Alive!!!!...........................It’s Alive!!!!”
Well, at least plastic surgery has come a long way.
Better start workin’ on that kid’s personality.
Maybe you should lie...................................
Blawgerman
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Got Words?
Got Words?
Trilateral – A backwards pass executed while on a tricycle.
Napalm – a contrarian tropical tree.
Cyclops -- The sound a one-eyed horse makes when moving.
Trumped -- what you are when you’re fired on the Apprentice.
Lancelot -- what Mr. Armstrong will open when he retires from racing bikes to sell used cars.
Cerebrum -- a Cuban alcoholic concoction that makes you think a little better.
Trifling – The art of tossing a tricycle.
Clap On – A visit to the Mustang Ranch.
Clap Off – Penicillin.
Piecemeal – how you order at KFC.
Metronome – a small, mythical creature that lives within the earth and dresses really well.
Capable – What junior superheroes are when they graduate from superhero school.
Enough Already…..
Blawgerman
Trilateral – A backwards pass executed while on a tricycle.
Napalm – a contrarian tropical tree.
Cyclops -- The sound a one-eyed horse makes when moving.
Trumped -- what you are when you’re fired on the Apprentice.
Lancelot -- what Mr. Armstrong will open when he retires from racing bikes to sell used cars.
Cerebrum -- a Cuban alcoholic concoction that makes you think a little better.
Trifling – The art of tossing a tricycle.
Clap On – A visit to the Mustang Ranch.
Clap Off – Penicillin.
Piecemeal – how you order at KFC.
Metronome – a small, mythical creature that lives within the earth and dresses really well.
Capable – What junior superheroes are when they graduate from superhero school.
Enough Already…..
Blawgerman
My Lips Are Sealed!!!
My Lips Are Sealed!!!
Three years I toiled as a Frito Lay salesman in the back woods of Vermont and New Hampshire. I drove a rickety Grumman Frito Lay truck up and down the mountains with an eye towards filling every possible rack of every possible store and hole in the wall with Frito Lay products.
We had the products. Cheetos (puffs and fried to a crackly crunch). Fritos (regular, scoops, and barbeque). Doritos (nacho and cool ranch). Tostitos. Ruffles (plain, barbeque, sour cream & onion). Lays (plain, barbeque, sour cream & onion). Munchos. Funyons. Bakenettes. Rold Gold Pretzels (twists, rods, minis). Grandma’s cookies. Beef Summer Sausages.
My job was to make people fat and give them acne.
Anyway, Mondays and Fridays I hit the big stores in the bigger cities. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays were the trying days. I would use those days to travel between little towns 10-15 miles apart to stores that sold 5-10 bags of chips per week. I could make a dizzying $3 per week on one of those stores. Yet, my route was littered with the little mom and pop outposts, and Frito Lay was out like a bloodhound for any salesman who didn’t treat the little stores like they were Wal-Marts.
I was bored. I even memorized the 17.5 multiplication tables up to 50 because the small bags of chips cost the stores $.175 each (they sold for $.35 back then). So, while I was roaming the back woods working on my multiplication tables, I would quite often indulge in one of my favorite Frito Lay products, the Beef Summer Sausage. Man, were they good. I’d hold them like a cigar in my mouth, savoring the big, Frito-Lay flavor. Over my career I must have eaten three or four million. But then came that fateful day.
I don’t know what came over me. Traveling between towns with half a sausage in my mouth, I got the bright idea of looking at the ingredients of my favorite snack. Never before have I yakked with such velocity or ferocity! The first ingredient? BEEF LIPS!!!
Couldn’t they just have said “PARTS?” Immediately my mind raced to poor lipless cows wandering in the fields, wondering how they would utter their next “moo.” Then I thought of the mindless creeps running around the fields with their lip extractors, sneaking up on poor, helpless cows.
Then I thought of the places the lips had been. That thought was enough to produce another projectile vomit. Cows lips didn’t seem that sanitary to me, and the thought of their lips against mine was simply too much.
That day, waves of nausea swept over me. Each time I placed another box of Beef Summer Sausages on the counters, I couldn’t help but feel I was a part of the mindless horde causing the terrible and painful lip extractions of hapless bovines. I wanted to shout, “read the ingredients!” but was overcome with the fear that each store would become a mass of puking customers and I might have to clean it up.
Never again did I even touch a Beef Summer Sausage. But to this day, I feel responsible for my part in the great bovine lip extraction that is going on week after week in this country. Where is PETA when you need them?
Blawgerman.
Three years I toiled as a Frito Lay salesman in the back woods of Vermont and New Hampshire. I drove a rickety Grumman Frito Lay truck up and down the mountains with an eye towards filling every possible rack of every possible store and hole in the wall with Frito Lay products.
We had the products. Cheetos (puffs and fried to a crackly crunch). Fritos (regular, scoops, and barbeque). Doritos (nacho and cool ranch). Tostitos. Ruffles (plain, barbeque, sour cream & onion). Lays (plain, barbeque, sour cream & onion). Munchos. Funyons. Bakenettes. Rold Gold Pretzels (twists, rods, minis). Grandma’s cookies. Beef Summer Sausages.
My job was to make people fat and give them acne.
Anyway, Mondays and Fridays I hit the big stores in the bigger cities. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays were the trying days. I would use those days to travel between little towns 10-15 miles apart to stores that sold 5-10 bags of chips per week. I could make a dizzying $3 per week on one of those stores. Yet, my route was littered with the little mom and pop outposts, and Frito Lay was out like a bloodhound for any salesman who didn’t treat the little stores like they were Wal-Marts.
I was bored. I even memorized the 17.5 multiplication tables up to 50 because the small bags of chips cost the stores $.175 each (they sold for $.35 back then). So, while I was roaming the back woods working on my multiplication tables, I would quite often indulge in one of my favorite Frito Lay products, the Beef Summer Sausage. Man, were they good. I’d hold them like a cigar in my mouth, savoring the big, Frito-Lay flavor. Over my career I must have eaten three or four million. But then came that fateful day.
I don’t know what came over me. Traveling between towns with half a sausage in my mouth, I got the bright idea of looking at the ingredients of my favorite snack. Never before have I yakked with such velocity or ferocity! The first ingredient? BEEF LIPS!!!
Couldn’t they just have said “PARTS?” Immediately my mind raced to poor lipless cows wandering in the fields, wondering how they would utter their next “moo.” Then I thought of the mindless creeps running around the fields with their lip extractors, sneaking up on poor, helpless cows.
Then I thought of the places the lips had been. That thought was enough to produce another projectile vomit. Cows lips didn’t seem that sanitary to me, and the thought of their lips against mine was simply too much.
That day, waves of nausea swept over me. Each time I placed another box of Beef Summer Sausages on the counters, I couldn’t help but feel I was a part of the mindless horde causing the terrible and painful lip extractions of hapless bovines. I wanted to shout, “read the ingredients!” but was overcome with the fear that each store would become a mass of puking customers and I might have to clean it up.
Never again did I even touch a Beef Summer Sausage. But to this day, I feel responsible for my part in the great bovine lip extraction that is going on week after week in this country. Where is PETA when you need them?
Blawgerman.
Monday, July 13, 2009
God Moves In Mysterious Ways
God moves in mysterious ways.
For the past year and a half, I’ve had the opportunity to play guitar and sing at Street Light Ministries in Grand Rapids (on Division). Street Light Ministries provides food and other services for the poor and homeless in Grand Rapids. I’ve played there about once a month or so and typically have played with Greg Howard and Jimmy Howard (not related). Greg, Jimmy and I are part of a band named Seven Days and we do contemporary Christian worship songs.
Anyway, it’s funny how God works. You see, I’ve always thought that I’m the one ministering to the people who come to enjoy their meals. The music that we play in inspiring and uplifting, and on one occasion last year, many of the people listening got up from there meals and started dancing!
Well, Greg and I played at Street Light this past Saturday. I was in the middle of a very busy and hectic weekend, and I arrived at the ministry feeling tired and worn out. We set up the stage and started to get ready for our "gig." At 5:00 pm we played a 45 minute set for the workers who serve the food and who go out into the community to invite people to the ministry and to evangelize. The music was exceptionally good this weekend, and I felt that we were definitely helping people worship.
However, what happened next was truly amazing to me. You see, the doors were opened and people started coming in to get fed. We started our second set of worship music and got about four or five songs in when an old man with a tattered backpack and a cane hobbled up to the stage. He asked us if he could pray for us. Now, there are many kinds of people that are ministered to by Street Light, and we have sometimes encountered people who aren’t quite all there. Nevertheless, Greg stopped the worship music and we let this old gentleman pray for us.
I will never forget his bright, clear eyes (which were a contrast to his old and broken body) as he painstakingly knelt down to the floor to pray. He looked up to heaven and clenched his hands together and then uttered the most anointed and beautiful prayer on our behalf. "God," he started, "bless these men and the ministry of their music." Even as he knelt down, I felt chills running down my back. As he spoke, tears welled up in my eyes. I don’t even remember all of what he said, but I remember how I felt as his earnest prayer touched me. When he finished his prayer, which only lasted 20 seconds or so, he took his cane and used it as a crutch to get his old body up off of the ground. Once up, he just hobbled off without even noticing how his prayer had touched me and the band in such a powerful way.
In that moment, when an old man with a cane struggled to his knees to lift a prayer on my behalf, God just reminded me that he is the God of the poor and the homeless and the hopeless. I came expecting to minister to the "poor", but instead, I was ministered to by one of the very people who I expected to minister to. This old man humbled himself before God and everyone to pray for me....what a blessing it was!
Jesus holds a special place in His heart for the poor and downtrodden of this world, and we should never assume that worldly poverty means that a person is suffering from spiritual poverty. God opened my eyes this weekend, and I'm so glad that He did.
Blessedly Yours,
Blawgerman
For the past year and a half, I’ve had the opportunity to play guitar and sing at Street Light Ministries in Grand Rapids (on Division). Street Light Ministries provides food and other services for the poor and homeless in Grand Rapids. I’ve played there about once a month or so and typically have played with Greg Howard and Jimmy Howard (not related). Greg, Jimmy and I are part of a band named Seven Days and we do contemporary Christian worship songs.
Anyway, it’s funny how God works. You see, I’ve always thought that I’m the one ministering to the people who come to enjoy their meals. The music that we play in inspiring and uplifting, and on one occasion last year, many of the people listening got up from there meals and started dancing!
Well, Greg and I played at Street Light this past Saturday. I was in the middle of a very busy and hectic weekend, and I arrived at the ministry feeling tired and worn out. We set up the stage and started to get ready for our "gig." At 5:00 pm we played a 45 minute set for the workers who serve the food and who go out into the community to invite people to the ministry and to evangelize. The music was exceptionally good this weekend, and I felt that we were definitely helping people worship.
However, what happened next was truly amazing to me. You see, the doors were opened and people started coming in to get fed. We started our second set of worship music and got about four or five songs in when an old man with a tattered backpack and a cane hobbled up to the stage. He asked us if he could pray for us. Now, there are many kinds of people that are ministered to by Street Light, and we have sometimes encountered people who aren’t quite all there. Nevertheless, Greg stopped the worship music and we let this old gentleman pray for us.
I will never forget his bright, clear eyes (which were a contrast to his old and broken body) as he painstakingly knelt down to the floor to pray. He looked up to heaven and clenched his hands together and then uttered the most anointed and beautiful prayer on our behalf. "God," he started, "bless these men and the ministry of their music." Even as he knelt down, I felt chills running down my back. As he spoke, tears welled up in my eyes. I don’t even remember all of what he said, but I remember how I felt as his earnest prayer touched me. When he finished his prayer, which only lasted 20 seconds or so, he took his cane and used it as a crutch to get his old body up off of the ground. Once up, he just hobbled off without even noticing how his prayer had touched me and the band in such a powerful way.
In that moment, when an old man with a cane struggled to his knees to lift a prayer on my behalf, God just reminded me that he is the God of the poor and the homeless and the hopeless. I came expecting to minister to the "poor", but instead, I was ministered to by one of the very people who I expected to minister to. This old man humbled himself before God and everyone to pray for me....what a blessing it was!
Jesus holds a special place in His heart for the poor and downtrodden of this world, and we should never assume that worldly poverty means that a person is suffering from spiritual poverty. God opened my eyes this weekend, and I'm so glad that He did.
Blessedly Yours,
Blawgerman
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Words, Dude.....Just Words....
Bicuspid -- a cuspid that can "go either way."
Rampage -- a large newspaper ad devoted to the sale of Dodge trucks.
Impale -- what really little demons order at Irish pubs.
Bingo -- A Mexican bing.
Robbery -- How a thief's legs feel after he's completed the bank heist.
Chicken -- Barbie's squeeze when he's lookin' really, really fashionable.
Rooked -- what you were you when his castle took your knight.
Racked -- What you were when Dolly Parton brushed up against you with her chest.
Pecked -- What Peter Piper was after getting all his pickled peppers.
Word.
Blawgerman
Rampage -- a large newspaper ad devoted to the sale of Dodge trucks.
Impale -- what really little demons order at Irish pubs.
Bingo -- A Mexican bing.
Robbery -- How a thief's legs feel after he's completed the bank heist.
Chicken -- Barbie's squeeze when he's lookin' really, really fashionable.
Rooked -- what you were you when his castle took your knight.
Racked -- What you were when Dolly Parton brushed up against you with her chest.
Pecked -- What Peter Piper was after getting all his pickled peppers.
Word.
Blawgerman
Thursday, June 25, 2009
More Words.....
What’s In a Word?
Tactician – a person who works in tandem with a Tictician to make breath mints.
Triplet – a very short journey.
Slobbering – the things that babies chew on when they are teething.
Contour – a prison field trip.
Popsicle – a bike for grandpaws.
Notebook – what Bach used to compose his symphonies.
Tooth Fairy – a gay bicuspid.
Templates – the plastic throwaway dishes you use at picnics.
Obama – an Irish Bama.
Childish – what a kids eats out of.
Curling – The art of throwing mongrel dogs.
Kurdish – something that kinda resembles cottage cheese.
Wordly Yours,
Blawgerman
Tactician – a person who works in tandem with a Tictician to make breath mints.
Triplet – a very short journey.
Slobbering – the things that babies chew on when they are teething.
Contour – a prison field trip.
Popsicle – a bike for grandpaws.
Notebook – what Bach used to compose his symphonies.
Tooth Fairy – a gay bicuspid.
Templates – the plastic throwaway dishes you use at picnics.
Obama – an Irish Bama.
Childish – what a kids eats out of.
Curling – The art of throwing mongrel dogs.
Kurdish – something that kinda resembles cottage cheese.
Wordly Yours,
Blawgerman
Friday, June 12, 2009
Words, Words, Words....
Words, Words, Words....
Sar-chasm - The gap between your clever zinger and the inability of the dim-witted recipient you're targeting to "get" it. ( I know it’s misspelled)
Smartass – The valedictorian donkey.
Retrofit – What you’re doing when you try on those 60's clothes.
Underwear – Australian clothes.
Duffer – A devout Hilary Fan.
Fuzzball – what the police play catch with.
Penchant – what Bic monks do when they meditate.
Cantilever – the stick you use to move a stuck cantaloup.
Prevent – before there was indoor heating and cooling.
Podcast – What peas do when they want to catch fish.
Aren’t Words Fun?
Blawgerman
Sar-chasm - The gap between your clever zinger and the inability of the dim-witted recipient you're targeting to "get" it. ( I know it’s misspelled)
Smartass – The valedictorian donkey.
Retrofit – What you’re doing when you try on those 60's clothes.
Underwear – Australian clothes.
Duffer – A devout Hilary Fan.
Fuzzball – what the police play catch with.
Penchant – what Bic monks do when they meditate.
Cantilever – the stick you use to move a stuck cantaloup.
Prevent – before there was indoor heating and cooling.
Podcast – What peas do when they want to catch fish.
Aren’t Words Fun?
Blawgerman
Saturday, May 30, 2009
More What's In A Word
Staffer -- Moses
Pollster -- an erotic dancer
Seamstress -- what happens when you put a big person in tight spandex pants.
Sourdough -- bread with a bad attitude.
Core Values -- What an apple feels with all of it's heart.
Apple Juice -- What weightlifter apples shoot up to get bigger.
Belabor -- what the queen is in just before the drone is born.
Capers -- Batman, Superman, etc.
Wordly Yours,
Blawgerman
Staffer -- Moses
Pollster -- an erotic dancer
Seamstress -- what happens when you put a big person in tight spandex pants.
Sourdough -- bread with a bad attitude.
Core Values -- What an apple feels with all of it's heart.
Apple Juice -- What weightlifter apples shoot up to get bigger.
Belabor -- what the queen is in just before the drone is born.
Capers -- Batman, Superman, etc.
Wordly Yours,
Blawgerman
Monday, May 4, 2009
More What's In a Word....
What’s in a Word?
Thoughtless – George W. Bush
Clueless – a family who has lost their favorite board game.
Cheerless – what happens to fans when they watch the Detroit Lions.
Pointless – A person who has lost all of his fingers.
Harmless – a pacifist.
Antipasto – a group dedicated to the eradication of noodles, spaghetti, ravioli, and manicotti.
Antidote – what your mom’s sister does to you when she pinches your cheek and tells you what a good kid you are.
Slimeball – snail baseball.
Slurpee – the person who has to listen to the sounds made by the slurper.
Fantasy football – when you dream of playing a game of tackle with the Victoria Secret models.
Antacid – what you pour on ant hills to destroy the colony.
Symbolism – the worship of clanging drum parts.
Word.
Blawgerman
Thoughtless – George W. Bush
Clueless – a family who has lost their favorite board game.
Cheerless – what happens to fans when they watch the Detroit Lions.
Pointless – A person who has lost all of his fingers.
Harmless – a pacifist.
Antipasto – a group dedicated to the eradication of noodles, spaghetti, ravioli, and manicotti.
Antidote – what your mom’s sister does to you when she pinches your cheek and tells you what a good kid you are.
Slimeball – snail baseball.
Slurpee – the person who has to listen to the sounds made by the slurper.
Fantasy football – when you dream of playing a game of tackle with the Victoria Secret models.
Antacid – what you pour on ant hills to destroy the colony.
Symbolism – the worship of clanging drum parts.
Word.
Blawgerman
Friday, May 1, 2009
Help Me Understand.......Exercise.
Exercise Can Really Cramp My Style!
Ok. I’m not in shape…..but that can change…….right?
Well, I think so. So I’ve started to work out every other night. I have a nifty little exercise gadget called a Crossbow. It’s like an indoor weight machine along the lines of a Bowflex. In the eight years that I’ve had it, it has been predominately used as a neat place to hang up my clothes. That is….until 2 weeks ago.
Yep. After eight years I finally was ready to take up the Crossbow challenge. And take it up I did. Curls, bench presses, lat pulldowns, tricep curls, and on and on. Surprisingly, the machine actually seems to work because I’ve been sore after every workout. Four days ago, I added crunches to my workout in the hopes that I might actually have some abdominal muscles somewhere beneath my largest single investment in this world…..my belly. (that’s right. It ain’t cheap growing a belly!)
Well, after my first night of doing crunches, my stomach was very sore the next day. So, I thought, it was good for my workout. Two nights ago, I sat on my inclined bench and started my second night of stomach crunches. I added a twist on each crunch for my obliques. After the first set, my stomach really felt tight. “Good,” I thought. After the second set I could really feel the “burn.” The third set is when it happened…….
As soon as I started my third set of crunches, every abdominal muscle in my body, from my ribcage down to my crotch cramped at the same time! I shot forward in an involuntary crunch. I thought I was dying at first, but quickly realized that my entire abdomen had revolted! Yelping like a wounded sea lion, I started rolling on the floor in my living room in an attempt to get the cramps to stop. I even tried arching my back, but such a feat proved rather difficult given my girth. Nothing I did could stop the stupid cramps, so I kept rolling on the floor and yelping. Suddenly, despite my intense abdominal pain, the vision of my rotund body rolling around on my living room floor while I was crying out in anguish made me wish I could have captured the moment on video. The thought of seeing the whole thing on You-tube made me laugh out loud despite the cramps. In fact, the laughing made it worse! I was crying, laughing, yelping, rolling, and awkwardly attempting to arch my back all at once! Alas, my private humiliation will never become an internet spectacle.
After 40 seconds or so, my stomach muscles finally relaxed, allowing me to stop rolling around like an idiot. I sat frozen on the floor for a few minutes out of the fear that getting up or even moving would cause the cramps to start up again! When I finally got to my feet, I wisely decided to forego the third set of crunches. The only comforting thing about the ordeal was the realization that I did indeed have abdominal muscles, even if they haven’t been seen since the early 70’s. Sigh. It seems that exercise can really cramp my style.
Crunchingly Yours,
Blawgerman
Ok. I’m not in shape…..but that can change…….right?
Well, I think so. So I’ve started to work out every other night. I have a nifty little exercise gadget called a Crossbow. It’s like an indoor weight machine along the lines of a Bowflex. In the eight years that I’ve had it, it has been predominately used as a neat place to hang up my clothes. That is….until 2 weeks ago.
Yep. After eight years I finally was ready to take up the Crossbow challenge. And take it up I did. Curls, bench presses, lat pulldowns, tricep curls, and on and on. Surprisingly, the machine actually seems to work because I’ve been sore after every workout. Four days ago, I added crunches to my workout in the hopes that I might actually have some abdominal muscles somewhere beneath my largest single investment in this world…..my belly. (that’s right. It ain’t cheap growing a belly!)
Well, after my first night of doing crunches, my stomach was very sore the next day. So, I thought, it was good for my workout. Two nights ago, I sat on my inclined bench and started my second night of stomach crunches. I added a twist on each crunch for my obliques. After the first set, my stomach really felt tight. “Good,” I thought. After the second set I could really feel the “burn.” The third set is when it happened…….
As soon as I started my third set of crunches, every abdominal muscle in my body, from my ribcage down to my crotch cramped at the same time! I shot forward in an involuntary crunch. I thought I was dying at first, but quickly realized that my entire abdomen had revolted! Yelping like a wounded sea lion, I started rolling on the floor in my living room in an attempt to get the cramps to stop. I even tried arching my back, but such a feat proved rather difficult given my girth. Nothing I did could stop the stupid cramps, so I kept rolling on the floor and yelping. Suddenly, despite my intense abdominal pain, the vision of my rotund body rolling around on my living room floor while I was crying out in anguish made me wish I could have captured the moment on video. The thought of seeing the whole thing on You-tube made me laugh out loud despite the cramps. In fact, the laughing made it worse! I was crying, laughing, yelping, rolling, and awkwardly attempting to arch my back all at once! Alas, my private humiliation will never become an internet spectacle.
After 40 seconds or so, my stomach muscles finally relaxed, allowing me to stop rolling around like an idiot. I sat frozen on the floor for a few minutes out of the fear that getting up or even moving would cause the cramps to start up again! When I finally got to my feet, I wisely decided to forego the third set of crunches. The only comforting thing about the ordeal was the realization that I did indeed have abdominal muscles, even if they haven’t been seen since the early 70’s. Sigh. It seems that exercise can really cramp my style.
Crunchingly Yours,
Blawgerman
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Words, Words, Words
Words, Words, Words
Polygon – A support group for Pirates whose Parrots have perished.
Sublime – An underwater citrus fruit.
Mailbox – Engaging in fisticuffs while wearing garments of small metal chains.
Starbucks – Cinematic male deer.
Cowhand – What the audience gives after watching a bovine rendition of Oklahoma.
Slowpoke – What causes boxers to have to retire.
Slackjaw – The device used to remove pants from women who should never have worn spandex.
Stupify – What is being done to you when you really listen to a George Bush speech.
Stagehand – What they called "Thing" when he was doing Broadway (before his big break with
the Adams Family.
Stagflation – What you have to do to a rubber deer to get it to stand up.
Word to Your Mother,
Blawgerman (not Vanilla Ice)
Polygon – A support group for Pirates whose Parrots have perished.
Sublime – An underwater citrus fruit.
Mailbox – Engaging in fisticuffs while wearing garments of small metal chains.
Starbucks – Cinematic male deer.
Cowhand – What the audience gives after watching a bovine rendition of Oklahoma.
Slowpoke – What causes boxers to have to retire.
Slackjaw – The device used to remove pants from women who should never have worn spandex.
Stupify – What is being done to you when you really listen to a George Bush speech.
Stagehand – What they called "Thing" when he was doing Broadway (before his big break with
the Adams Family.
Stagflation – What you have to do to a rubber deer to get it to stand up.
Word to Your Mother,
Blawgerman (not Vanilla Ice)
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