Change......change.......change.......

Change........Change..........Change........

One of my readers (YES, I do have some people who actually read this blog!) told me this sad but true story. I had no alternative but to pass it on....

A lawyer friend of my reader recently died. He found himself on heaven’s doorstep awaiting Saint Peter. When Saint Peter finally appeared, he said to the lawyer, "Well, it’s kinda unusual to have one of your kind here. God thought you might be a little lonely, so He’s gonna leave it up to you as to where you want to spend the rest of eternity."

The lawyer immediately said, "Well, Heaven, I guess."

"Not so fast, hotshot," replied Saint Peter, "how can you make an informed decision without spending a day in each place?"

"I see your point," said the lawyer, who was immediately whisked into Heaven. He had a great time walking on clouds and seeing the peaceful, serene setting. Everyone was happy and content and a lot of the folks were just sitting around singing hymns and lifting their hands. "Not too bad," thought the attorney.

The next day he found himself in Hell.....at least he thought it was Hell. It seemed to be a clubhouse for a really ritzy golf club. People were dancing, singing, and drinking. Others were playing golf and tennis and swimming in a giant pool. Dinner was amazing. Steak, Lobster, and the best wines he had ever tasted. He even saw a lot of his old buddies from back at the firm. "Wow, tough choice," he mused.

The next day he came to Saint Peter and announced his decision. "Man, what a tough call," he began. "Heaven was great, but Hell was just hoppin’. I can’t help but think that it’s my kind of place down there. I mean, standing around and singing hymns ain’t bad, but my final answer is Hell."

"Done," said St. Peter, and our lawyer plunged into Hell.

Only.......it wasn’t what he remembered from the tour he got. This time, his friends were in tattered clothes and were eating garbage off of the streets. All around him the people in Hell were in torment and misery. "Hold on, what’s going on here?" he thought. So he went to see the Devil himself.

When he got there, the Devil asked, "So, what’s the problem? Not likin’ the accomodations?"

"Not at all," replied the flabbergasted lawyer. "It’s nothing like what I saw the other day. Where’s the fine food? Where’s the golf course? I don’t get it. What’s the difference between yesterday and today?"

The Devil looked at him and smiled. "Well, yesterday we were campaigning."

From the Campaign Trail.


Blawgerman

Don't Make Me Go Feudal!!!!

Don’t Make Me Go Feudal!!!

Help Me Understand the Shire……………..


“No way, Blawgerserf,” you thought. “This whole Feudal thing is a figment of your way overactive imagination. I am not a serf, and there’s no way our modern country has anything to do with the feudal system.”

“Au Contraire,” says I. Read the following and weep, my little villeins.


SHIRE-REEVE

In England, a reeve was an official elected annually by the serfs to supervise lands for a Lord. The reeve himself was a serf. He had many duties such as making sure the serfs started work on time and ensuring that no one was cheating the lord out of money. The system was introduced by the Saxons, dating at least to the 7th century, and continued after the Norman Conquest.The reeve of an entire shire was a Shire-reeve, predecessor to the Sheriff.

Wikipedia.com

SHIRE-REEVE

The modern office of sheriff in the United States descends from a one-thousand-year-old English tradition: a "shire-reeve" (shire-keeper) is the oldest appointment of the English crown. Because county governments were typically the first established units of government in newly settled American territories, sheriffs were among the first elected public officials in an area and thus developed a leading role in local law enforcement.

TheFreeDictionary.com


Badda Bing, Badda Boom!

Unbeknownst to you, your local Shire-Reeve is a walking, living, breathing, talking, and arresting throwback to the Middle Ages. You even cast your vote for him to be the little leader of the Shire….a chief serf, so to speak. He’s simply there to make sure the rest of us serfs don’t go getting any big ideas about knocking off the King or his minions.

So…….back to work, villeins! No cheating the Lord in this Shire!

Serfly Yours,

Blawgerman

Livin' La Vida Feudal!

Wow….I Sure Am Glad Things Have Changed…….hmmmm…..

Help Me Understand…….Feudalism


Here goes….I have included a little blurb about feudalism in the middle ages after yet another successful google search. I’m always amazed to find that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

or safety and for defense, people in the Middle Ages formed small communities around a central lord or master. Most people lived on a manor, which consisted of the castle, the church, the village, and the surrounding farm land. These manors were isolated, with occasional visits from peddlers, pilgrims on their way to the Crusades, or soldiers from other fiefdoms.

In this "feudal" system, the king awarded land grants or "fiefs" to his most important nobles, his barons, and his bishops, in return for their contribution of soldiers for the king's armies. At the lowest echelon of society were the peasants, also called "serfs" or "villeins." In exchange for living and working on his land, known as the "demesne," the lord offered his peasants protection.

Got it now? We are simply serfs. We are Livin’ La Vida Fuedal (kinda catchy!). You see, in exchange for us paying our property taxes and being good little people, we receive the “protection” of our local, regional, state, and federal governments! The way it works is that the Federal Government is King. The states are the local Nobles, Barons, Bishops, etc. The states willingly provide help to the King in the way of troops, funding, and support. The King has given the states their lands.

Us? Well, we are the villeins in the whole deal (where the word “villain” comes from). If you believe that you own property in our country I invite you to undertake the following social experiment (although I expressly disclaim any liability should you choose to actually go forward with such a dumb idea): try to stop paying your taxes for a few years. You will find that you no longer “own” your own home. You see, you have merely been renting your land from the State in exchange for the state’s protection. Once you stop paying for the protection, the protection stops and bad things happen to you. Bad serf. Very bad serf.

Our job is to do the work that pays the Kings and Nobles. When we stop doing that, our usefulness is done. We can be thrown off the land and another better serf will willingly take our place. Our sole purpose is to make food, products, and services for the king. Now, undoubtedly, some of us serfs are way more “equal” than others, but we are serfs nonetheless. From the poorest to the most wealthy, the King and his Barons will gladly step in and take back the land that they lent us if we stop paying our feudal dues….I mean taxes.

Ah well, I’ve got to get back to my work so that I can keep the King Happy.

Feudally Yours,

Blawgerserf

What Words Should Mean......

What Words Should Mean:



Buckingham – A rodeo pig.

Sorgum – What denture wearers suffer from.

Sufferage –The legal age for marriage.

Speedway – The Methamphetamine lifestyle.

Vulcanized – What you become after you watch too many old Star Trek episodes.

Pinconning – Scamming people for their pins.

Fillet – What gas station attendants used to do to your tank.

Biosphere – The entire breathing area affected when you pass gas.

Flash Bulb – An exhibitionist onion.

Milkshake – a bovine belly-dancer.

Mystify – to finely spray water on a person or group of people.

Homage – A promiscuous magician.

More What's In A Word!!!

More and More What’s In a Word......


Armaments – Tic tacs for your armpits.

Tirade – What tires drink when they need energy.

Icily – Siciliy’s name during the last Ice Age.

Asphyxiation – A fascination with the derriere.

Unicycle – A mythical bicycle with a single horn sticking out of it’s handlebars.

Rogaine – what the crew team wants to do to the leader of the race.

Slowpoke – A stupid cowhand.

Titillation – The method Dolly Parton uses to be able to stand upright without falling over.
(Sorry....couldn’t resist)

Analytical – The single most important requirement for being a proctologist.

Billabong – What Bill Clinton used when he didn’t inhale.

Decadence – What de band marches to.

Stampede – What it's called when you overrun the post office.


Enjoy,

Blawgerman

More What's In A Word!

More What’s In a Word



Steroid -- Hemorrhoids you get from sliding down steps on your rear end.

Bud Light -- A skinny friend.

Claustrophobic -- Fear of Santa Clause

Stirrup – What you do to cream and sugar in your coffee.

Implosion – What happens when an Imp explodes.

Chimpanzee – A sissy monkey.

Holistic – A person dedicated to eating the dough from the center of donuts.

Currant – When a cowardly and despicable person starts yelling and screaming.

Jitterbug – A moth who drinks too much coffee.

Psychopath – A place where the ex-spouse likes to walk.

Implore – Folk tales told by Imps.

Crumbling -- A baby crumb.

Catatonic – What cats drink with gin.

Anger Management – What you do when you lock your mother-in-law in the basement.

THE END IS COMING!!!!

THE END IS COMING!!!!

Help me understand the Large Hadron Collider…….


Amazing!

U.S. District Court Judge Helen Gilmor of Hawaii ruled that she did not have jurisdiction to stop the potential end of the world!..………….seriously. The end of the world. Could I even make that up?

Two Hawaii residents sued the Large Hadron Collider’s owners in an attempt to prevent the machine from doing what it was designed to do, which is sending high-energy beams of subatomic particles around an underground 17 mile ring of superconducting magnets in hopes of causing the subatomic particles to smash together. Scientists have said that they hope they can find out what happened just after the “big bang.” The Big Bang, of course, was just a massive explosion that formed the stars, the planets, and everything else in the universe.

Great.

We have scientists that want to recreate the big bang.

Sweet.

We have a federal court that won’t take jurisdiction over the potential end of the world. The trial court didn’t make a ruling on whether the collider poses a danger to Earth, but did note that that are scientists who are saying that the huge machine could create small black holes or “other phenomena that could destroy the planet.”

Boy. I bet she’ll feel dumb as a giant black hole sweeps us all into the abyss. If you happen to see her as you are flushing down into the black hole, please slap her for me…………..and for everyone else in the world.

Fortunately, the Collider suffered malfunctions on low-power operations and had to be shut down until Spring.

So I guess we should all enjoy the time we have left and maybe drop a line or two to Judge Gilmor to ask her if she might reconsider stepping in to stop the end of life as we know it. In the meantime, be prepared to take the following preventative action in the Spring (which was the same preventative action prescribed by the Government in case of nuclear war):

Bend over.
Put your head between your legs.
And kiss your ass goodbye.

Smashingly Yours,

Blawgerman