Help Me Understand............Side-Effects

Help Me Understand..........Side Effects

Ok. So I have psoriasis. It’s on my fingers and has had a negative impact on my ability to play guitar. So far, everything that the doc has given me has failed to work. Then I find out that I can get psoriatic arthritis and, when I look at my hands, some of my knuckles are starting to swell. Great. I’m thinking that this can’t be good for my guitar playing at all.

I go to the doc and he says we’ll have to put me on a "more serious" drug to attack the psoriasis. I’m thinking that’s a pretty good idea................until I read the warning label. I really don’t think you should ever read the labels of any drugs that you take.

The first listed side effect, you ask? Death.

Yep. It’s true. I think I’ll pass on that side-effect. The next listed side-effect was permanent hair loss, followed by depression, suicidal tendencies, liver failure, and so on. It even went so far as to claim dry-mouth as a potential side effect.

Now look, I tried to donate my body to science and they sent me a rejection letter. That wasn’t so bad, but they went on to say that my body wasn’t even worth the cost of cremation! Just my luck that only out-of-work comedians write their rejection letters. The way I see it, I have only two parts of my body that are worthy of not cremating. My hands and my hair. Now, both are at risk.

I guess what I’m wondering is why aren’t there better side effects to drugs, and, more importantly, why aren’t we demanding them. Here are a few I would like to read as I ponder whether I should take my psoriasis poison-pill:

WARNING! USE OF THIS DRUG MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING UNINTENDED SIDE-EFFECTS:

You may make break out in spontaneous, witty conversation

You run the risk of losing weight and developing six-pack abs

Your IQ might suddenly skyrocket

Your teeth will become whiter

You may find yourself whistling happy tunes and experiencing harmony with creation

Your hair may become rich and full-bodied

Your breath will become fresh and irresistible

Well, you get my drift. Until we have some better side-effects, I guess I’m just gonna have to deal with what I have. In the meantime, get on the phone to Pharmacia and ask them to step up to the plate on this whole side-effects thing.

Side-Effectingly Yours,

Blawgerman

YIKES! More Word Games!

YIKES! More Word Games……………..



Shampoo – fake feces.


Nutcracker – a psychiatrist.


Omnipresent -- The cheap first car your parents bought for you. (yeah, I’m that old).


Crestfallen – dropped toothpaste.


Bloodhound -- Dracula’s puppy.


Hostage -- The platform upon which Madonna performs.


Dramatic – a thespian parasite.


Band Aid – the roadies.


Racquetball -- What the mafia guys throw around to pass the time.


Panther -- what they said after looking at Hillary Clinton in a dress.


Titration -- what has to happen when the demand for breast implants far outweighs the supply.


Ramification -- Replacing your fleet of Ford trucks with Dodge trucks.


Assassin -- When two rear ends walk into a building.


Wordly Yours,

Blawgerman

Are You Tired of These Word Games Yet?

More What's In A Word............


Contemplate – the mold used to make prisoners.

Airbag – Your mother-in-law.

Airbag Deployed – Your mother-in-law tossed out of an airplane.

Freedom – What they call the movement to release Mr. DeLouise from prison.

Spellbinding – What happens when you tie up a witch.

Mistletoe – How they move the nukes around on the military base.

Petrified – What happens to your dog when it gets really, really scared.

Petulance – When your dog passes gas.

Copulate – How you increase the police population.

Transmute – A guy who can't speak and eats only margarine.

Chuckwagon – Charlie Sheen's Jetta.


Wordly Yours,

Blawgerman

More What's In A Word.....

What Words Mean.....and What They Should Mean.....


Cinderella – what you call an umbrella that’s been in a fire.

Manicure – Lithium.

Podcast – throwing a pea.

Permission – A solemn duty given to cats.

Infantile – Ceramic tiles for the nursery.

Dependable – The ability to wear adult diapers.

Unibrow – what cyclops has above his eye.

Confirmation – A convict’s workout plan.

Simpleton – 2000 pounds of George Bush (fill in your favorite politician).

Stucco – What happens to flies in Mexico when they land in glue.

Permutation – A cat with three heads.


Wordly Yours,

Blawgerman