THE END IS COMING!!!!

THE END IS COMING!!!!

Help me understand the Large Hadron Collider…….


Amazing!

U.S. District Court Judge Helen Gilmor of Hawaii ruled that she did not have jurisdiction to stop the potential end of the world!..………….seriously. The end of the world. Could I even make that up?

Two Hawaii residents sued the Large Hadron Collider’s owners in an attempt to prevent the machine from doing what it was designed to do, which is sending high-energy beams of subatomic particles around an underground 17 mile ring of superconducting magnets in hopes of causing the subatomic particles to smash together. Scientists have said that they hope they can find out what happened just after the “big bang.” The Big Bang, of course, was just a massive explosion that formed the stars, the planets, and everything else in the universe.

Great.

We have scientists that want to recreate the big bang.

Sweet.

We have a federal court that won’t take jurisdiction over the potential end of the world. The trial court didn’t make a ruling on whether the collider poses a danger to Earth, but did note that that are scientists who are saying that the huge machine could create small black holes or “other phenomena that could destroy the planet.”

Boy. I bet she’ll feel dumb as a giant black hole sweeps us all into the abyss. If you happen to see her as you are flushing down into the black hole, please slap her for me…………..and for everyone else in the world.

Fortunately, the Collider suffered malfunctions on low-power operations and had to be shut down until Spring.

So I guess we should all enjoy the time we have left and maybe drop a line or two to Judge Gilmor to ask her if she might reconsider stepping in to stop the end of life as we know it. In the meantime, be prepared to take the following preventative action in the Spring (which was the same preventative action prescribed by the Government in case of nuclear war):

Bend over.
Put your head between your legs.
And kiss your ass goodbye.

Smashingly Yours,

Blawgerman