Well, I got a response to my toe blog that I feel that I must share. Quite honestly, I'm glad now that I have only toe problems.......
Here it is:
That Strange Feeling....
Have you ever been in a situation where you are right in the middle of something and all of the sudden you have a strange feeling like something is about to happen. Well, one day I was at a foundry with my dad several years ago and it was in the middle of July. Needless to say, it was "hotter than the hubs of hell" and it was right after lunch.
Of course, after spending 25 minutes climbing stairs to get to the top of a large piece of equipment, my father and I were taking a few minutes to gather our thoughts and breathe, deciding what we were going to do next. As I stooped over to hook the chain on the first motor....well, it was at that moment I realized that something was wrong. I had the strangest feeling that something inside me was not right, kind of like the guy from "Alien" just before the little monster came out of his belly.
My stomach was rumbling and rumbling and all of a sudden it came to me....I had to crap. I raised up rather quickly and informed my father of the impending damage that was about to take place in my pants, and as I informed him, little beads of sweat started to roll down my face because I knew I had to travel the 345 steps down to the bottom of the building.
I very quickly and very cautiously proceeded down the steps, making sure my bad situation didn't become worse. When I finally reached the bottom, I began the task of looking for a place to relieve myself. In a building that was no longer being used and scheduled to be demolished, one would imagine that there are a number of places to let nature run its course. I looked around and found the perfect place.
Now, being a big guy with a bum leg, bending over was just not an option, so I had to improvise. I pulled down my pants and backed my rear end up to the wall and made it look like I was sitting on an invisible chair.....and let 'er rip.
Now, shortly after I was "sitting" on my imaginary toilet, I hear a strange noise that sounded like someone was shooting the metl behind me.....I yelled out, "who's there?" but no one answered. I heard the noise again, but this thime it was louder, louder even than the noise generated from the demolition equipment running in the building. I yelled out, "HEY, WHO'S THERE?" but still no one answered. So, as I sat there humming a tune, I started hearing what sounded like a machine gun going off. Pop.... poppoppop.... ....poppoppoppoppoppop.....and all of a sudden, the entire wall gave way.....causing me to fall right to the ground right on top of my recent deposit.
And if that wasn't bad enough, and I don't know if you know this or not, but foundries are VERY DIRTY AND DUSTY. Once the wall let loose and fell, all of the dust and dirt on top fell....you know where....right on top of me. Not only was my robust posterior covered in crap, but my entire body was covered in black soot....
This is a true story, and every time I tell it, whomever is hearing it almosts wets themselves with laughter. I guess at the time I didn't think it was funny, and after almost 7 years, I still don't think it is funny!!!
Signed,
The Demo Man
Keep 'em coming....
Blawgerman
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